TRYING TOO HARD: THOUGHTS ON BEING "THIRSTY"
Recently, all of America was busy looking at England for the event of the century: The Royal Wedding. And not any Royal wedding. One between an English Prince and an American divorced actress who happens to be a woman of colour. Phew... Not exactly standard, amirite? The Queen must have had a field day with that one!
While I didn't really care about the actual wedding and didn't partake in the frenzy, I was really surprised to hear what people had to say about it. Apparently, Meghan Markle went overnight from actress to gold digger. The theory says that she "lured" Harry into marrying her because she's a thirsty fame-whore. Right, because I'm sure she's the first one who thought about it, no one's ever tried that before...
To be totally upfront, I like Meghan Markle. I loved her in Suits, I appreciated her blog, and I think she's beautiful and smart and knows what she wants. Obviously I don't know her as a person, only her work. But that's the vibe I get from her. I understand that not everyone can like her. I also get that, when you're a public figure, you're opening yourself up to criticism, and people are gonna be mean. Especially when you do something most girls will be jealous of, like, I don't know... Marrying a prince, maybe?
What I hate is that people are so out of ways to be jealous and salty, that it's now considered OK to hate someone (and make fun of them) because they're "trying too hard". WTF?! Can someone explain to me what's wrong with trying hard? And please, if you're volunteering, make sure you're not 45 and single, living in your mom's basement, with no career to speak of and absolutely zero goals for yourself.
As a disclaimer, if you are 45 and single, living in your mom's basement, with no career to speak of, I'm not making fun of you. Shit happens. Maybe you put your career on hold when you met your husband, because you wanted to raise a family. Maybe, for a plethora of reasons, you ended up not having kids. And your husband left you for a 22 year old bimbo. And maybe you had no choice but to retreat to your mom's basement for a bit, while you figure out a strategy. That's fine, and understandable.
But notice how I left out the last part about not having goals for yourself? Because if you are the woman I just described, and you've just been screwed, but you DO have goals for yourself, most likely you'll be happy for Meghan Markle. You'll be happy for anyone who finds their happiness, hoping that someday soon, it'll be your turn. And you're most likely willing to work HARD AS FUCK to get there. Because you understand that you can't complain about how shitty your life is, if you're not willing to put in the work.
The last part about having goals for yourself is actually the key here, in my opinion. Because people who hate on people for having goals and trying hard are usually the people who, deep down, consider themselves to be failures. People who hate themselves and are miserable, but try to trick themselves into thinking that they don't care.
After all, it's much easier to ridicule the whole process of working hard and trying than it is to admit to yourself that your life is a reflection of your own shortcomings, isn't it?
And trust me, I know what I'm talking about. A few years ago, when I was about 19, I used to make fun of people who were getting married and sharing romantic pictures on Facebook. I was even recently reminded by the website of an old status I published when I was maybe 20, that went something like "Love is for poor people. For the rest of us, there's shoes." You see, while I'll gladly admit that I can be a little cynical, I don't hate love and marriage. I do still think that certain people can be a little over the top with their 3428634 couple selfies from one afternoon on top of the Empire State Building, but to each their own. If I don't wanna see it, I just skip through it.
The reason I used to hate it so much was because my love life sucked, and it was easier for me to pretend that love was stupid and overrated, than to do a little soul-searching and admit to myself that I didn't have something I actually wanted. At that time, I was seeing a toxic asshole who only wanted to see me at night, and kept saying he liked me but didn't have time for a relationship. After a while, I developed some feelings for him. And it was MUCH easier to bury them and pretend I didn't care.
After all, what were my other options? Admit to myself that I was in love with a guy who didn't want me? Deal with rejection? Feel like I wasn't pretty or smart or interesting enough? Yeah... Thanks, but no thanks! Instead, I convinced myself that people who needed to be in a relationship were just pathetic losers. Codependent people who couldn't be alone with their boring selves for a minute. If someone told me they were putting themselves out there and trying to date, because they eventually wanted to get married, I would have laughed. I would have said they were trying too hard. I might even have called them thirsty.
The moment I finally opened my eyes and admitted to myself that I was miserable, my perception changed. I started understanding people who wanted relationships, and instead of laughing at them, I wished them the best. Ironically, by admitting to myself that I was miserable, I was able to be happy for other people. I was able to see that my feelings were not actually feeling of love, but more a need for validation. I didn't want all the guys who were clearly into me and asking me out on a real date. Instead, I wanted to get the only guy who didn't actually give a shit about me. I realized that him not wanting to be with me had nothing to do with my appearance or my personality... It was all about him.
And Meghan Markle isn't the only one being accused of being thirsty and trying too hard. Bloggers and influencers, just like actresses, singers, performers and entertainers, are often perceived as fame-whores. As a blogger, I have a bit of a different perspective on this. I don't care about fame. In fact, I would much rather not become famous, because I enjoy going out to walk my dog, looking like shit, without worrying about having my picture taken. I also love dark humour and I'm WAY too politically incorrect to be in the public eye, because I would for sure offend someone with one of my offensive jokes.
But sadly, what I LOVE doing is blogging. And from what I heard, you can't make money and blog as a living if no one reads your blog. The same way you can't make money as an actor if no ones watches your movies. Or you can't be a successful singer if no one listens to your music or goes to your concerts. So that means when I'm shooting outside and someone asks what I'm doing, I have to tell them about my blog. When I write something, I have to share it on my social media. I also have to participate in events, and shoot pictures. Even if it looks like I'm pimping myself out, or like I'm trying too hard.
And here's the thing: I don't think one can even be trying too hard. I think we can all try hard, and it's the only acceptable way to success. I also think it's easy to make fun of someone for being too skinny when you think you're too fat. It's easy to make fun of someone for taking care of their appearance when you think you're too ugly. The same exact way it's become too easy to make fun of someone for "trying too hard" and going after what they want, when YOU'RE too damn lazy to get off your ass and actually try yourself.
When I hear someone say "OMG, she's trying way too hard, she's so thirsty", all I hear is "I'm so afraid of failing that I can't bring myself to try anything, so I'd rather just stay here and make fun of others who actually go for what makes them happy". And if that's not sad, I honestly don't know what is.
Personally, I have no shame in admitting that I am trying hard. I'm trying hard to make things happen for myself. I'm trying hard to build a blog that people will love to read, with which I can make a living. And I'm trying hard to make my relationship work, because I love the man I'm with and I want to build a future together. I'm also trying hard to be a better person every day. To be more kind, understanding and to help others, whenever I can. And I set crazy high goals for myself. And it makes me extremely happy just to try to get there. Because every day, when I go to bed, I can tell myself that I'm one step closer to all of it.
I have no shame in trying too hard, because there is no such thing. I'm actually proud of how hard I try. And proud of everything I've accomplished so far. Because I tried. Nothing was given to me on a silver platter. And that makes every single little success so much more enjoyable.
What about you guys? What's one goal that you're really working hard for? Do you think it's possible to be trying too hard, or is it just necessary to make it? I'd love to hear what you guys think about it. You can leave me a comment below, or hit me up on Instagram, as always!
I'll be back Monday with another post, in the meantime I'm wishing all of you a fabulous weekend!
Love, Jenny xx